I Go Away For a Week and the World Goes to Hell
by flameglimmer the dragon
Summary: Alice goes on a vacation. Can the Bradys survive?


Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me. I don't want them either.  
  
Rating: G, I suppose.  
  
Warnings: Alice uses some naughty language, like fanny and heck. If this bothers you, go find a cave and hide in it.  
  
Summary: Alice goes on a vacation. Will the Brady's survive?  
  
Notes: The story is mostly told using flashbacks. It occurs before Oliver comes to live with the Bradys but after Tiger's death. This was written for a challenge.  
  
Feedback: I like feedback. Send it to a23dragon@hotmail.com please.  
  
  
  
I Go Away For a Week and the World Goes to Hell  
  
Or  
  
Alice's Vacation  
  
  
  
"I go away for a week and the world goes to heck. Or at least the Brady residence does." Alice thought as she surveyed the damage. "Oh sure, they all say they can handle things while I'm gone, but look what I come back to." She sighed and set about putting the world back together.  
  
# # # #  
  
2 weeks ago  
  
Alice was in the kitchen with Carol Brady when Marcia brought the mail in.  
  
"You got a letter, Alice. Who's it from?" Marcia asked as she handed it to Alice. "It must be important, because I had to sign for it."  
  
Jan ran into the kitchen. "I got a letter from my boyfriend George Glass!" she said, holding up a large blue envelope.  
  
"Oh, Jan," Marcia replied, "I already got the mail and there was nothing for you."  
  
"He gave it to me at school today, Marcia." Jan started sniffling.  
  
"Mrs. Brady, I have terrible news! I won a trip to Paradise Island." Alice interrupted.  
  
"Oh, Alice, most people would love to win a trip to the Bahamas."  
  
"Yes, but it's to an adults-only resort, and that means you and Mr. Brady can't come along and bring the kids and what will you do without me, Mrs. Brady?"  
  
Carol smiled. "I'm sure we can manage by ourselves for a few days, Alice. You and Sam go enjoy yourselves."  
  
Alice was already in her room, packing.  
  
# # # #  
  
"Manage, my fanny." Alice picked a dirty sock off the lampshade and threw it into the laundry basket. "If this is managing, I'd hate to see a minor problem. That'd probably involve the entire family being killed in a comical fashion by a bank robber straight out of a western movie."  
  
Alice strolled into the kitchen, laundry basket in hand, planning to throw a load in the wash before starting supper. She stopped, horrified. What had happened to her immaculate kitchen?  
  
# # # #  
  
1 week ago  
  
"All right, men." Mike Brady said, "Tonight we're going to help your mom out by making supper. We'll keep it simple and make spaghetti."  
  
Bobby, Peter and Greg exchanged a look. It was a meaningful and significant look, a look that said, "Dad has gone completely insane but maybe if we play along we won't die. Possibly."  
  
"All right, Dad." Greg said, "Where do we start?"  
  
Mike looked confused for a moment. "We should start at the beginning."  
  
"Right," Greg replied, "I'll go ask Mom, then."  
  
"We don't need to do that." Peter said. "We learned how to make spaghetti in Home Ec class."  
  
"You take Home Ec?"  
  
"Well, yeah. I'm the only guy in the entire class. The only one. In the whole class." Peter and Greg nudged each other and winked, while Bobby looked confused.  
  
"That's a good thing?"  
  
"You'll understand when you're older." Greg said. "So where should we start, Pete?"  
  
Twenty minutes later, the water was boiling, Greg had located some spaghetti, Bobby was setting the table, and Mike was supervising. And then the spaghetti sauce blew up, raining down on everyone in the kitchen. And Bobby dropped all the plates on the floor, shattering all of them.  
  
Everything was silent for a moment.  
  
"How about I go pick up some paper plates from the store while you kids clean up here?" Before anyone could respond, Mike was out the door and burning rubber.  
  
"How are we going to get the sauce off the ceiling, Pete?"  
  
# # # #  
  
Alice cleaned up the kitchen, muttering to herself as she worked. "Couldn't even throw out the paper plates by themselves… do they understand the concept of soaking burnt pots… did they even try to wipe off the stove… have they ever used a mop…" Just then, a lone noodle fell off the ceiling and hit Alice on the head. She slowly looked up.  
  
"I can understand the sauce, I can even comprehend the noodles, but why is paper towel stuck to the ceiling?"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Endnote: That's all I have for now, but I'll try to post more soon. In fact, you won't be able to stop me from posting more. MWAHAHAHAHA!!!! 


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